written about 4 years ago

Sifting through my mind, working on the citadel
Must be a way I can find the other world
Sand-filled ears buried in the underground
Listening to the sounds of the ocean, trying to find their way
Cause I can't find home anymore, cause I can't find home anymore

This song, to China, is kind of about resisting the urge to do exactly what is happening in that photo above. It’s about the pains of growing older, which involve the nostalgia of being younger. It's a play on the imagery & juxtaposition of building sandcastles & digging holes. Building sandcastles is like creating a grandiose kingdom out of a fleeting substance while digging holes in the sand (perhaps to China, as the cliche goes) is a gruelling & fruitless attempt to find a kingdom elsewhere.

I wrote this song while throwing rocks into the lake with the 3-year-old girl I used to nanny. We were crouched down on the sand, overlooking the water. That moment probably meant nothing to her, but that’s because I was the one in charge. I was responsible for her life while feeling very unqualified to take care of my own. Things just kind of came together in that moment. The thoughts, anyways. I was very aware of the conflicting space we were in; she was creating and I was escaping; she was unaware of the movement of time and I was all glazed over on a race track. Yet, we were standing in the same place... on the sand... where we could build or we could dig. 

All that thinking and I learned nothing. I still have the urge to stick my head in the sand and dig myself to some alternate reality, but maybe now it’s just out of curiosity. Either way, I wrote a song about it.